There are certain monumental firsts in a woman's life: first big promotion, first child, first plot to kill your mother-in-law. However, as the 50th birthday looms in the not too distant future, we get to add one more to our list of firsts: Hot flashes.
The onset of menopause is dramatic enough; adding these hormonal volcanos is torture surpassed only by The Red Room in Fifty Shades of Grey" . Seriously, is it too much to ask Nature for a little pat on the back for, oh, I don't know...maybe giving birth to the next generation of human kind to rule the Earth? If absolutely nothing else, couldn't we have a 15 minute warning before we internally combust? Just enough time to get our loved ones into a fall-out shelter before the deadly forces of estrogen and progesterone collide and create a furious emotional tornado. Any casualties of said maelstrom will only lead to feelings of overwhelming guilt, which will lead to another hot flash, etc., the vicious cycle never ending. Oh, the idea is exhausting...
The text book, Essentials of Human Diseases and Conditions, states that menopause is " [a] temporary condition . . . .and the prognosis is generally good." But, if you're the woman who falls shy of generally good? Stay away from your mother-in-law.
This past summer as I pulled my hair up off my neck and excused myself for having a hot flash in the middle of girl's night, someone asked me how I could tell the difference between a hot flash and it just being really hot outside. I told them that with a hot flash my shins get sweaty... my SHINS.
ReplyDelete